Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Filhaal....
Aye Zindagi yeh lamha jee lene de...
Pehle se likha kuch bhi nahi...
Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu...
Jo bhi likha hai dil se jiya hai...
yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de....
Yes... trying to live my life by the minute like this song....
The reason i like this song very much is that I usually dont crib.. yes the unknown make me insecure but the fear of unknown also has its own sweetness and thats what keeps me going most of the time....
But sometimes one feels that you need some stability in life.... I am a nomad.. Unattached... a wanderer.. I do what i feel like and when i feel like with noone to stop me.. I am so comfortable being with myself that I dont feel the need to be with anyone... But sometimes it scares me.... I am too independent for the comfort of people around me.... I guess man has this basic instinct to take care of others and feel that the whole worlds responsibility is on there shoulder and when they meet someone who visibly doesnot need any support..it unstables them... I guess thats what is happenning with me.. I come across as extremely independent and self assured person and that makes people uncomfortable.. But I cant purposefully make myself pitiful for others to be comfortable.... I need my space.. Then again the people around me are the people I care for so is it right to just keep living the way I want to????
I know I will live only once but so will they!!!!!
Pehle se likha kuch bhi nahi...
Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu...
Jo bhi likha hai dil se jiya hai...
yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de....
Yes... trying to live my life by the minute like this song....
The reason i like this song very much is that I usually dont crib.. yes the unknown make me insecure but the fear of unknown also has its own sweetness and thats what keeps me going most of the time....
But sometimes one feels that you need some stability in life.... I am a nomad.. Unattached... a wanderer.. I do what i feel like and when i feel like with noone to stop me.. I am so comfortable being with myself that I dont feel the need to be with anyone... But sometimes it scares me.... I am too independent for the comfort of people around me.... I guess man has this basic instinct to take care of others and feel that the whole worlds responsibility is on there shoulder and when they meet someone who visibly doesnot need any support..it unstables them... I guess thats what is happenning with me.. I come across as extremely independent and self assured person and that makes people uncomfortable.. But I cant purposefully make myself pitiful for others to be comfortable.... I need my space.. Then again the people around me are the people I care for so is it right to just keep living the way I want to????
I know I will live only once but so will they!!!!!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Strange R The Ways of Life
Yes strange......
I had a good day n for a change I was happy somewhere deep down.. that joy which i had forgotten existed....
But then suddenly out of no where another emotion over powered me.... GUILT... yes guilt.... I felt guilty of being happy...A small voice was trying to tell me tht i dont have any right to be happy n that i should stay miserable all my life....
this emotion i cant understand... or maybe i do.. i know like split personality.. i have split brain... one (which i call NOW Brain) with which i do my daily work, interact with people.. and another part ( which I Call Alternate centre or AC) which has got stuck somewhere in time n refuses to come out.. that part keeps pulling me back to my past very moment..even in my sleep.... my AC is not letting me go... even when i am talking to someone the thought process of AC is on.. n when NOW brain is not active obviously AC becomes hyperactive... Today, for a change NOW was able to take me back to my original happy state of mind for few seconds but AC overpowered it ... I sometimes feel tired of this battle I am fighting with myself.... i donno who will win because I would be the loser from both the sides.... so i donno if it matters to me.. but then again is is right to give up so easily to the scars of the past.. i donno....
hope i am able to answer these questions soon..
I had a good day n for a change I was happy somewhere deep down.. that joy which i had forgotten existed....
But then suddenly out of no where another emotion over powered me.... GUILT... yes guilt.... I felt guilty of being happy...A small voice was trying to tell me tht i dont have any right to be happy n that i should stay miserable all my life....
this emotion i cant understand... or maybe i do.. i know like split personality.. i have split brain... one (which i call NOW Brain) with which i do my daily work, interact with people.. and another part ( which I Call Alternate centre or AC) which has got stuck somewhere in time n refuses to come out.. that part keeps pulling me back to my past very moment..even in my sleep.... my AC is not letting me go... even when i am talking to someone the thought process of AC is on.. n when NOW brain is not active obviously AC becomes hyperactive... Today, for a change NOW was able to take me back to my original happy state of mind for few seconds but AC overpowered it ... I sometimes feel tired of this battle I am fighting with myself.... i donno who will win because I would be the loser from both the sides.... so i donno if it matters to me.. but then again is is right to give up so easily to the scars of the past.. i donno....
hope i am able to answer these questions soon..
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Job Search Oh My God!!!
Hey!!!
I never knew job search could be so neck breaking...
I have been working for quite sometime to think that I have see a lot of the corporate world... Even have shifted jobs few times with no hassles.. They were always there before I asked for it.. In short a pretty easy going life for me.. Then one day somethjing happened and boom my life changed I resigned with no other job in hand....
And my search for an "Ideal Job" started.... It has been more than a month n I'm still searching.. The other day an article on the front page of the newspaper made me laugh for a long time n people around me actually thought that I have gone insane under the pressure of trying to look for a job!
Actually the article was about the dialemma faced by companies looking for "deserving" candidates to take in... It said there are lots of jobs ready to be grabed enough number of resumes flowing in but not enough number of deserving candidates.... Well hear I was one of the so called "deserving candidate"( a name given to me by my previous employers) without a job!..
Or was it that I had become once upon a time deserving candidate.. and that waqs not good enough anymore..
I donno... well but my search for a good job is still on.. well sometime i think the terms we use are so subjective.. like desrving, good etc etc.... well another day tomorrow lets see what does it have in store for me....
I never knew job search could be so neck breaking...
I have been working for quite sometime to think that I have see a lot of the corporate world... Even have shifted jobs few times with no hassles.. They were always there before I asked for it.. In short a pretty easy going life for me.. Then one day somethjing happened and boom my life changed I resigned with no other job in hand....
And my search for an "Ideal Job" started.... It has been more than a month n I'm still searching.. The other day an article on the front page of the newspaper made me laugh for a long time n people around me actually thought that I have gone insane under the pressure of trying to look for a job!
Actually the article was about the dialemma faced by companies looking for "deserving" candidates to take in... It said there are lots of jobs ready to be grabed enough number of resumes flowing in but not enough number of deserving candidates.... Well hear I was one of the so called "deserving candidate"( a name given to me by my previous employers) without a job!..
Or was it that I had become once upon a time deserving candidate.. and that waqs not good enough anymore..
I donno... well but my search for a good job is still on.. well sometime i think the terms we use are so subjective.. like desrving, good etc etc.... well another day tomorrow lets see what does it have in store for me....
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Life
It is said that one should plan for future...
But I say why??? Coz life never takes the expected course so if we donno whats gonna happen tomorrow why waste time in planning.. Take life as it comes and believe me my personal life incidents have made me to believe that one can never plan your life.. So now I take life as it comes and live every day as my last day on earth.
Well just hoping that it continues till my actual last day on this earth
But I say why??? Coz life never takes the expected course so if we donno whats gonna happen tomorrow why waste time in planning.. Take life as it comes and believe me my personal life incidents have made me to believe that one can never plan your life.. So now I take life as it comes and live every day as my last day on earth.
Well just hoping that it continues till my actual last day on this earth
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