Search!

So many bridges crossed,
so many paths explored,
so many seas sailed through.....
Still I'm searching for something
I do not know yet, What am I searching?

With every moment,
time is slipping by!
Will I even know
what I am looking for?

Image via Wikipedia

Happy & openly Gay

Image via Wikipedia

A news piece that consensual sex with same sex has been decriminalised in India by Delhi High Court made me cheer.. Kudos to the Judge for passing this judgement.
The reason for my happiness has nothing to do with my orientations but the thought behind it & the maturity of the decision.

I don't understand why do we have this urge to control everything, even grown up adults. Are we of the opinion that a person who can run his own business, take care of his family, can become an international success, take many important decision yet need to be policed on some basic desires & wants? Law is a mechanism to keep things civilised and in order, but the extent of the same need to be defined by us.

The high court decision on merit needs to be applauded, damn the fanatics.
The day the decision was passed I chanced to see a panel discussion on TV regarding the decision. One of the panelist, a so called guru seemed perturbed by the court decision and said something to the effect that due to this decision, human race is in danger as all would want to be with a partner of same sex (as if one is getting some special favour or perk by doing so!) and was concerned on the future of the process of reproduction! This sounded so hilarious & it became the joke of the day for me.

My lawyer cousin had come home the other day and among many things we discussed this decision too. He explained the basic crux of Article 377 & I was taken aback by something he said.
As per the article 377 one could be booked in case he/she indulged in three kind of sex viz: Anal, Oral &/or with animal. Further, the it says that the complain can be lodged by third party too. This was a shocker. Physical intimacy is a very person thing & how can law allow & consider it ok for a third person to peep into someones private space! Shouldn't such complainant booked under trespassing!

Strange are the laws of the land!!!!!
In the mean time lets rejoice for this may be just the beginning for the law getting more human! A wish of an eternal optimist!!! :)

Emotions............

Image via Wikipedia

What are emotions???


A chemical 'locha' as per a famous hindi movie or something more...
Why do we feel emotions.. How?????

It's such an interesting topic yet never thought about it till now....

According to Wikipedia....

An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Emotions are subjective experiences, or experienced from an individual point of view. Emotion is often associated with mood, temperament, personality, and disposition.

Emotions is what we feel.. Right???
Sometimes then, if the same situation/person presents itself infront of us at different times why do we react differently.

There would be many examples where our feelings or emotions were different for a person one day & after sometime without any apperent change in status quo, the feelings changes.

Sometimes you feel a rush of emotions & at other times you are cold. Why?
What happens if an emotion like love is not reciprocated?
It can many times take life. Is emotion that strong chemical 'locha' that it can cause someone to take anothers' or one own selfs' life....
Why is it that on certain days when one gets up, is singing & on another growling at everything coming infront of it!

May be I don't understand emotions atall or 'am completely ruled by it!
Why can't there be a standard for behaviour.. It would make life so simple & easy... Maybe a bit boring too.. But still it may just help!

Why????????

Image by Emmanuel Frezzotti via Flickr

Why don't people call & when you do they blame you for not keeping in touch.......
I find this irritating.. Its then better to stay away from such 'friends'......
I intend doing that from now on!

Aah! here I come with another song which I like a lot.......

Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna

Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna

Angana phool khilege

Barsega saawan, barsega saawan Jhoom jhoom ke

Do dil aise milenge

Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna

Angana phool khilege

Naina tere kajrare

Naino pe hum dil hare hai

Anjane hi tere naino ne
Waade kiye kaie saare hai

Saanso he leher madam chale

To tu kahe barsega saawan Barsega saawan jhoom jhoom ke

Do dil aise milenge
Aaoge Jab Tum Saajna

Angana phool khilege

Chanda ko uta lakho mein

Yeh zindagi tere haton mein

Palko pe jil mil tare hai

Aana bahri barsato mein

Sapno ka jahan

Hoga khila khila

Barsega saawan, barsega saawan Jhoom jhoom ke

Do dil aise milenge

A very soulful melody with wonderful lyrics.......A song ful of hope & future.... Love it!

Profession Flaunting......

A very weird phenomenon which I have observed in recent past is flaunting ones profession....

Many have started putting stickers on there vehicle announcing to the world their profession. I am sure many would have noticed & also done this them selves.

This phenomenon (if my memory serves me correctly) was restricted to Government vehicles including Defence (but not personal vehicles of employees) & Doctors few years back.

Government Vehicles used it basically to get priority on road & easy access everywhere without stopping & proving identity. The Doctor sign was more for ready help in a pre - mobile era.

In recent years the trend spread it wings to many more sectors & professions & I find it funny.

Defence: Army, Navy or Air Force pasted on the windscreen or mud guard of two wheeler was done basically due to registration plate. Defence along with certain section of Central govt employees have a highly transferable jobs & they can't change registration numbers of their vehicle every two years so the stickers served the purpose of being not stopped & questioned by traffic cops.

Press: This started as a means to get easy access to the "News". But with the increase in the number of media houses, it has reached such levels that about every 5th Car flaunts a 'PRESS' tag. Anybody who has anything remotely to do with print/electronic/radio media starts using this so called label. I have even seen vendors of these companies (I call them companies n not media houses coz they are just business entities, all of them without exception) who supply just the regular office stationery also use it for their 'perceived' benefit.

Other Professions: Today even a lawyer has a sticker on his vehicle. I do not understand the purpose it would serve. May be I am naive.

Once a colleague told me (about the sticker on her car) that it helps. Helps? I asked. Well, it helps when I drive outside the city especially to my relatives place who are not living in a metro.

Now I get it. You want to flaunt it, it has become a trend & a status symbol of sorts. Actually, flaunt what you are not. Because PRESS has a specific need and use & every person working in Media does not come under the blanket of Press....

25 Things About Me.....

I was tagged to the topic by Anu Di & this is what I came up with..............

1. I still don't know what I wanna do in life.... (I'm a wanderer)

2. I love fantasies & living in dreamland... (No wonder I love sleeping)

3. I have at few occasions beaten up men (read eve teasers) & got away with it everytime.

4. I'm a very straight forward, in your face, simple person, yet many find me very complicated...

5.I love prasing myself & love it even more when people appreciate/compliment me... (I may manage to maintain a straight face but I'm over the moon at that moment)

6. I love acting & do a good job at it.

7. I'm an incorrigible flirt & do a good job at it too.

8. My views on marriage prompt my friends to comment that I'm an old timer who has landed in new age by mistake.

9. I love driving & enjoy my music with it. But I love riding my scooter more.

10. I can go any length for my friends.

11. I wanna participate in rally driving atleast once.

12. I wanna write a book sometime in future (I have many ideas already jumping in my head). I love reading fiction/non fiction too.

13. I am an extremely lazy person & donno how I have typed so much...

14. I'm multifaced, self contradicting personality and believe in Richard Bach's idea of parallel/alternate dimensions...

15. I love to dance & be merry!

16. I hate to take bath everyday but do it anyways!

17. I love to swim, ride bicycle, play Basket ball & watch cricket but have  not done it for a long time!!!

18. I have a dark/illegal side but have managed to curb it.

19. I think I have found my soulmate (I thank God for it everyday)

20. I'm exteremely critical of myself & full of self doubt.

21. I'm not as confident & fearless as I potray.

22. I donno english & am very unsure while using the language.

23. I hate questions like, "What is your plan for your future?" (I donno what I would do the next minute!!! Future is out of focus entirely)

24. I love life & try to extract the maximum from each day.

25. I am surprised at myself. I had thought I wouldnot be able to go beyond 10!!!

The Girl Child…….

There is lot being said about the female foeticide and maybe a lot is also done to prevent it! Moreover, the boy vs girl comparisons never end. In middle of all this I read Mr. Amitabh Bachchan's blog and his speech delivered at Ms. Shobha De's book launch. After reading his blog entry, I couldn't resist my flow of thoughts and posted a comment there.
I am reproducing my comment here.....
************************************************************************
Should I thank God? I ask this to myself quite often! One may ask, why?
The reason, we are a family of four and I’m the youngest. My parents have two daughters! I dont think (or rather believe) that my parents ever thought that we being girls are any less than anyone in the world or they as Parents of ‘just’ girls are in any way inferior/’different’. The point here is also that when my sister was born there was pure joy all around. But, with my birth the joy was a notch lesser. Here I’m not talking of my parents but few members of our extended family and friends!
I remember people asking me ‘You don't have a brother!??!!’ As if it was a sin! I felt bad.
But, I know I’m one of the God’s special child and that's why can bounce back with optimism, smile and all things positive almost immediately. My grandparents were also extremely protective of me and my Parents against any comment made on the female gender and I don’t think they ever treated me or my sister any different from my male cousins.
In spite of the attitude of my family I’m aware that I’m a girl child! I shudder at the thought, what a child would be going through where there is discrimination.
Women today have come a long way but still there is lot that needs to be done and at that point when you see a person of your stature (Referred to Mr. Bachchan) and influence taking up the cause, one feels that one day this battle would definitely be won!
Thank You God once again for such people!
Regards, Rashi
*****************************************************************************
Yes its true, though I have never faced any discrimination at home, I'm still aware about such comparisons....
Be it studies, falling in love, working or driving a vehicle...... Girls are looked down upon...
Certain comments I have heard over the years (some targeted at me some at other females)
1. Ladki ho jayada pad ke kya karogi? Tumhe to ghar he sambhalna hai. (You are a girl, whats the need to attain higher education? At the end of it all you have to just take care of the household work)
2. Bank Cash Counter Line/ Railway reservation line: The line is moving very slow as there is memsaab (lady) sitting there.
3. The girl is very smart! She managed to entangle that bright and intelligent boy in her web of love by batting eyelid!
4. Did you see that vehicle? It swinged so dangerously! I'm sure a girl must be driving it.
5. A freak accident: I'm sure a girl is behind it!
6. Oh its all so easy for the girls, they come decked up to office and take the promotion!

There are many more..... But the point is will we ever stop behaving this way?

Boss

In life one interacts with many different types of people. I believe that no two individuals are same and hence never indulge in comparing people. But there are certain traits, temperaments or views which are similar and that's why we can classify people in various categories.

Though I have a very limited experience of corporate life and have a long long way to go before I start forming opinions about people. But this is one community I just can't resist talking about....... Bosses.

Boss is someone you can never ignore. You may not be spending your maximum time in office with this individual but still he/she is in your mind constantly. The reason of the presence of your boss in your thoughts vary and it varies b'coz of the kind of person you are and also on the type of Boss you have.
I am enlisting the types of Bosses I have had the experience to work with or see around me.

1. Insecure Boss: This type of gentlemen/ladies are either dumb (can't help it) or are under confident. The moment they see a smart, intelligent and bright executive there defence mechanisms starts working overtime and in certain case all armour in their kitty comes blazing out. Poor executive... never knows what hit him/her!

2. Workaholic Boss: A person who does not have a personal life of his/her own and thinks that no one in the world has the right to have one. These types expect you to be in office (or on duty) all the time irrespective of the load of work one has. This type thinks that by employing you he/she has made you a slave and you would work as per his/her wimps and fancies; take no leave and even work on official holidays. He/she tends to make a face even if you by mistake mention the word 'Home'.

3. Scheming & Manipulative Boss: If your boss is against you, be rest assured you can never grow or prosper under him/her. The best is to run from that job as fast as possible. Actually this category is also an off shoot of Insecure boss or could be just a sadist!
4. Instant Boss: This person is always in a hurry and expect things to be done before its uttered. He/she has no patience and is always in a rush. Can get very irritating but is generally nice hearted. He/she will take care of you and respect you as an equal. He/she is extremely focused, motivated & motivating.
5. Motivating Boss: This type of boss is one of the best thing to happen to you at your work place. Actually this type is an extension of Instant Boss minus the impatience.
6. Old Glory Boss: This is the kind of boss who is least interested in knowing or looking forward. He/she tends to live in there 'good old days'. This type if not dealt properly can really hamper your career. But, you get to learn a lot from his/her rich experience.
7. Flirt Boss: These are the types who love to use their power over others. Many use their colleagues by showing them carrot or sometimes get used too. This is one category I absolutely hate!
8. Leader Boss: This type in true sense is the one to be feared the most. He/she believes in leading by example and is generally good at his/her job and very confident. They are visionary and always look at the big picture. To make your self stand tall one has to really work hand, but should be fun as this is healthy competition which can benefit all.
& last but not the least
9. Mentor Boss: A selfless person who believes in passing on his/her learnings'. To have a mentor boss especially at an early phase of ones career can go a long way in your success. This type of a person is generally above the rat race or very influential or extremely efficient with high credentials in the field.
The types mentioned above are the types I have seen in my life. There could be bosses who could be a mixed variety ie one or more traits may be present in one person and they would come out depending upon the situation the person is in.
Good or Bad, whatever the type of boss I have faced, I thank them all in helping me refine my personality and help me reduce my imperfections.
My experience with all my bosses has helped me in the long run. I many times didn't understand it, disliked them, abused them but like my Mentor Boss used to say... Look at the BIG PICTURE. Finally, I have started doing that!!!

Thougths

I have been planning to write something for a long time but words have started failing me....

I have thoughts......... a lot of them but I'm not able to put words to it.
May be too much of thoughts is the problem. .....
May be my mind is to cluttered that I cant form a specific line of thought.
May be...........

I'm stuck yet again... I can't think of the right words at the moment.
I have written and erased sentences I donno how many times!

Is this a writers block or is it my limited Vocab or my limited thinking.

That's whats called A Contradiction....

I started my blog saying that there are too many thoughts in my mind and now I'm saying that my thinking is limited! and yes my thoughts are all not in the same direction so I don't know if saying that I have limited thinking is true in certain sense.

I guess I'm very confused. That should be the right way to put it.
I have thoughts... I'm thinking a lot but too many thoughts is leaving me confused and effecting the flow of thoughts into words....

I hope I'm able to come out soon from this state.

And I'm Back....

I was away for a long time...
Not that I wanted to but just couldnot help it....

But its also said that if you want to do something you always find a way.
Maybe there were other things in life which had become more important that they got done and this didn't.

Well, getting into another Philosophical frame of mind!

Must start writing immidiately.........

Most Ridiculous Fortune!

I'm sure all of us, even the non believers look at the future predictions at least once if we come across it.
I'm no different!!

So I tend to read my fortune on Orkut everyday..
Today I almost died laughing coz the fortune was the most ridiculous one I have even seen!
It Goes..

Today's fortune:
You and your wife will be happy in your life together
Time: 10.35 A.M, Date: 23rd March 2007

Well first and the most important point, I belong to Venus so I think having a wife now or anytime in future is almost impossible untill unless I plan to change my sex or my preferences, which seem most unlikely as on Today!

The second point is that I am single and donot know when will get married.

So this seems a BIT 2 far fetched or some wrong calculations

Whatever it is, it did make me laugh for a long time!

My Fortune!

My Today's Fortune as per Orkut.

Date: 22nd Feb 2007, 4.45 PM

"The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others!"

Date: 23rd Feb 2007, 4.55 PM
Today's fortune:
Luck is coming your way
Good Joke!

Date: 26th Feb 2007, 10.35 AM
Today's fortune:
You are next in line for promotion in your firm
A BAD Joke esp on a Monday Morning....

Date: 26th Feb 2007, 4.15 PM
Today's fortune:
A good time to finish up old tasks
HaHaHa.. A good one.. I suffer from the most deadly disease know to mankind.. Procrastination
Seems like Orkut guys read my blogs too.. A good way to get back at me!

This post doesn't have a title coz I can't think of an apt title....
Can you suggest something?

I am reading a novel these days.

I was on the lookout for this one for a LONG time and could not find it in Delhi.

Should I be surprised or should have expected it?
After all the book is about Bombay(I still prefer to address the city by it's old name).
The city I have fallen in love with.

I am reading Shantaram these days and I'm liking the way the author describes the city.

The way he has described his first brush with the city when he landed there is so similar to my first day in that city, full of apprehensions, new dreams and desires and a bit of fear.

That city embraced me willingly and displaced all my apprehensions and fears.

In most of my conversations I find myself speaking about Bombay.
I have been in love but the love I have for Bombay is much deeper and stronger than my love for an individual.

Crazy, isn't it?

But when have I claimed that I'm sane?

The Thoughts

Of late a song has been keeping my mind occupied.
This song is one of my favorite songs and I keep listening to it whenever I can.

From the time I heard it for the first time, the song has never failed to amuse me and whenever I have ‘heard’ it again, it has shown me a new side, a new meaning.

The song I am talking about is ‘Main Yeh Soch Kar..’ sung by Mohd. Rafi. I’m reproducing the lyrics of the song here

Main Yeh Soch Kar…
Main ye soch kar uske dar se uthaa thaa, ke vo rok legii manaa legii mujhako.
Havaaon mein laharaataa aataa thaa daaman, ke daaman pakar kar bithaa legii mujhako.
Kadam aise andaaz se uth rahe the, ke aavaaz dekar bulaa legii mujhako.
Magar usane rokaa,
na usane manaayaa,
na daaman hii pakadaa,
na mujhako bithaayaa,
na aavaaz hii dii,
na vaapas bulaayaa,
Main aahistaa aahistaa badhataa hii aayaa, yahaan tak ke usase judaa ho gayaa main ...

My first thought (Impulsive)
Wow
Great Lyrics
Poor Guys (as in the couple who went through it)

Then I heard it again. (Feminist)
My thoughts were, what an idiot, what an egoistic chap. Good for the girl, she deserves someone better, someone who loves HER more and not his misplaced ego.

After a gap of few months I heard it again and felt fear. (One Side of The Coin)
The fear of rejection,
The fear of being alone,
The fear of feeling unwanted.

After this I stopped listening to this song.

Then out of the blue, a close friend mentioned it and I heard it again. (The Other Side of The Story)

I got goose bumps.
How would one feel to see the love of their life walking away.
To want to stop him/her but can’t.
To feel used.

Now when I hear it, I feel pity. (The Practical Me)
Pity for people who love someone but can’t communicate.

How can a relation survive where one is hesitant in sharing there thought with the other partner.
If you love someone, the love is unconditional and accepts the partner as is. If this is true then I don’t see any reason why one can’t convey what heart feels.

Well, if you want your partner to understand your unspoken words…. Then I guess, you are asking for too much......

My Mom has a different take on this song...

She showed me another meaning in this song

SACRIFICE.

As per her the lady has purposely decided not to stop the love of her life so that he could go ahead explore the world and conquer what he had set out for.

It's her love for him to set him free to be what he wants to be and if in the bargain she looses the love for ever she would accept that with a smile.....

Must say a very thought provoking interpretation...

The link to the video of the song

http://www.hindioldies.net/87/main-yeh-soch-kar/

(Missing) Action

The heading of this blog seems to have gone to my head....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I dont feel like doing what I am supposed to do...
I dont feel like doing what I like to do...
I dont feel like doing what I want to do...
I dont feel like doing what I am not supposed to do...

I dont know what will I do...
I dont know what I will do...

Think

As the blog name is... These days I think a lot and... and nothing just think.....

Donno what will I do with myself.....

Time Flies

A few days back a small innocent comment made by an old friend triggered a new series of thought and interpretation of life.
Actually, during a small talk with a colleague the name of my friend Vikas came up and I realized that I have not spoken to him since a very long time.

So like a ‘good friend’ I called him at the next available opportunity.
After the regular exchange of accusings for not being in touch, we came to the second phase of the conversation, i.e. updating each other on the latest happenings in our respective lives.
Soon another playful disagreement started and I told him to not speak too much as I know him for over 7 years!
The response from the other end of the telephone line was unexpected, there was complete silence.
I thought that the line had got disconnected but that was not the case so I asked ”Vikas are you there?”.
He said, “I hope you are not joking, are you sure?”
Me, “I didn’t get you. Sure about what?”
He said, “That it is already over 7 years since we first met?”
Now it was my change to be silent and after sometime i.e. after mentally reconfirming the calculations I said, “Yes.”
He then jokingly added, “Do you remember that it used to a task to be able to sit through 1 1/2 hours for a single lecture and today we are so casually saying that 7 years have gone by.”

This comparison hit me hard.
WoW! Really!
Spending those 90 minutes used to be as if we were being tortured and today 7 years of our life has just slipped past.

But, has it slipped past or it has been lived?
A very subjective question.
The answer would most definitely be different for different people but it would be different even for one person when thought taking into consideration various aspects of life.
Some places we could have done very well and maybe at some other places we would have slipped completely.
Maybe career wise one may have achieved a land mark, but has the personal relations kept pace?

There used to be a time (at least in my case) when my friends were the most important thing in my life. Then it was making my career and now my Parents & family.
Are these just phases? Or just one relationship/element of life was placed higher on the pedestal.
I don’t know if I was successful or achieved everything possible in the respective phases of my life.
But I am just sure of one thing.
I had made a personal resolution very young in my life, that I would never regret anything that happened in my past for it was the best choice I made then with the knowledge I had at that time. Regret comes when we start evaluating our past decisions with our present knowledge which is unfair.
There are many things in my life which I wanted to do but didn’t.
But still I guess I am doing fine because I am not done yet.
So there was a time when 1 1/2 hour used to be too much to bear and there is a time when days no not days sometimes weeks and month pass by and we feel that Time Flies.

Black Or White???..... OR is it GREY!!!

The other day I was trying to help bridge a gap between two waring parties but things didn’t go as expected and I ended up in a not so happy situation.
I was asked to take sides!
Yes I was literally asked which team do I belong to?
Difficult question.
Difficult question??? Oh my God! The toughest question one can ever face.
Well, I tried to reason out but was categorically told say Yes or NO.
I only know how I managed to avert the situation…
But that did set me thinking on a new angle

Kitna Sahi Kaha Hai Kisi Ne…

Mein tere saath chal nahin sakta.Raasta bhee badal nahin sakta .Girna padta hai apne kadmon main.Yun to kaanta nikal nahin sakta.Raat kitni bhee saazishen kar le.Chand din mein nikal nahin sakta.Jisko apne pe e'tamaad nahin.Vo kabhee bhee sambhal nahin sakta.Chorna padti hai Zameen apni.Varna ooncha uchal nahin sakta.

Many times in life we reach a stage where things can’t be defined as either black or white.
Many times we prefer not to define life in these two brackets.
Certain emotions like love, for anyone, human, animals or even a ‘Biologically’ non living object lead us to such confusions. But, why does confusion arise..

If I Close my eyes and try to visualize confusion, I can see lots of dust particles, smoke etc moving around in the air… Something similar to when, say for example, two cars collide!

Yes, collision leads to confusion.
Confusion of who is right and who is not,
Confusion of who is wronged and who is not,
Confusion of who is to be blamed and who is not.

Life throws same situation infront of all of us in different forms.

It all boils down to the point of view.
A situation stuck me.
When I was not as old I am now, I used to either commute on foot or my bicycle. I used to sometimes get very irritated on the four wheel drivers and used to think all of them just want to crush us under there vehicle’s tyre and think that they rule the roads.
A Point of view. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

Coming to today when I am as old as I am, I travel either on my scooter or car. I still get irritated but on the pedestrian trying to cross the road, or the bicycle guy who came infront of my car the other day. I feel that these people don’t know how to walk on a street or have come out because they want to commit suicide.

Another Point of View. I don’t see anything wrong with it either.

But now if these point of views collide, the same question, who is right?
The point is noone is right and both are.

This is what I call the grey area in life where no distinct Black or White exist.

Today, I can say this so calmly because I am sitting with a cool mind infront of my PC typing my thoughts with no one to disturb me… But when you are caught with other minds around you trying to influence you is it possible to maintain the same calmness???

I donno! The answer, depends again, Grey!!!

Virgo Thinker

Virgo Thinker