As the blog name is... These days I think a lot and... and nothing just think.....
Donno what will I do with myself.....
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Time Flies
A few days back a small innocent comment made by an old friend triggered a new series of thought and interpretation of life.
Actually, during a small talk with a colleague the name of my friend Vikas came up and I realized that I have not spoken to him since a very long time.
So like a ‘good friend’ I called him at the next available opportunity.
After the regular exchange of accusings for not being in touch, we came to the second phase of the conversation, i.e. updating each other on the latest happenings in our respective lives.
Soon another playful disagreement started and I told him to not speak too much as I know him for over 7 years!
The response from the other end of the telephone line was unexpected, there was complete silence.
I thought that the line had got disconnected but that was not the case so I asked ”Vikas are you there?”.
He said, “I hope you are not joking, are you sure?”
Me, “I didn’t get you. Sure about what?”
He said, “That it is already over 7 years since we first met?”
Now it was my change to be silent and after sometime i.e. after mentally reconfirming the calculations I said, “Yes.”
He then jokingly added, “Do you remember that it used to a task to be able to sit through 1 1/2 hours for a single lecture and today we are so casually saying that 7 years have gone by.”
This comparison hit me hard.
WoW! Really!
Spending those 90 minutes used to be as if we were being tortured and today 7 years of our life has just slipped past.
But, has it slipped past or it has been lived?
A very subjective question.
The answer would most definitely be different for different people but it would be different even for one person when thought taking into consideration various aspects of life.
Some places we could have done very well and maybe at some other places we would have slipped completely.
Maybe career wise one may have achieved a land mark, but has the personal relations kept pace?
There used to be a time (at least in my case) when my friends were the most important thing in my life. Then it was making my career and now my Parents & family.
Are these just phases? Or just one relationship/element of life was placed higher on the pedestal.
I don’t know if I was successful or achieved everything possible in the respective phases of my life.
But I am just sure of one thing.
I had made a personal resolution very young in my life, that I would never regret anything that happened in my past for it was the best choice I made then with the knowledge I had at that time. Regret comes when we start evaluating our past decisions with our present knowledge which is unfair.
There are many things in my life which I wanted to do but didn’t.
But still I guess I am doing fine because I am not done yet.
So there was a time when 1 1/2 hour used to be too much to bear and there is a time when days no not days sometimes weeks and month pass by and we feel that Time Flies.
Actually, during a small talk with a colleague the name of my friend Vikas came up and I realized that I have not spoken to him since a very long time.
So like a ‘good friend’ I called him at the next available opportunity.
After the regular exchange of accusings for not being in touch, we came to the second phase of the conversation, i.e. updating each other on the latest happenings in our respective lives.
Soon another playful disagreement started and I told him to not speak too much as I know him for over 7 years!
The response from the other end of the telephone line was unexpected, there was complete silence.
I thought that the line had got disconnected but that was not the case so I asked ”Vikas are you there?”.
He said, “I hope you are not joking, are you sure?”
Me, “I didn’t get you. Sure about what?”
He said, “That it is already over 7 years since we first met?”
Now it was my change to be silent and after sometime i.e. after mentally reconfirming the calculations I said, “Yes.”
He then jokingly added, “Do you remember that it used to a task to be able to sit through 1 1/2 hours for a single lecture and today we are so casually saying that 7 years have gone by.”
This comparison hit me hard.
WoW! Really!
Spending those 90 minutes used to be as if we were being tortured and today 7 years of our life has just slipped past.
But, has it slipped past or it has been lived?
A very subjective question.
The answer would most definitely be different for different people but it would be different even for one person when thought taking into consideration various aspects of life.
Some places we could have done very well and maybe at some other places we would have slipped completely.
Maybe career wise one may have achieved a land mark, but has the personal relations kept pace?
There used to be a time (at least in my case) when my friends were the most important thing in my life. Then it was making my career and now my Parents & family.
Are these just phases? Or just one relationship/element of life was placed higher on the pedestal.
I don’t know if I was successful or achieved everything possible in the respective phases of my life.
But I am just sure of one thing.
I had made a personal resolution very young in my life, that I would never regret anything that happened in my past for it was the best choice I made then with the knowledge I had at that time. Regret comes when we start evaluating our past decisions with our present knowledge which is unfair.
There are many things in my life which I wanted to do but didn’t.
But still I guess I am doing fine because I am not done yet.
So there was a time when 1 1/2 hour used to be too much to bear and there is a time when days no not days sometimes weeks and month pass by and we feel that Time Flies.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Black Or White???..... OR is it GREY!!!
The other day I was trying to help bridge a gap between two waring parties but things didn’t go as expected and I ended up in a not so happy situation.
I was asked to take sides!
Yes I was literally asked which team do I belong to?
Difficult question.
Difficult question??? Oh my God! The toughest question one can ever face.
Well, I tried to reason out but was categorically told say Yes or NO.
I only know how I managed to avert the situation…
But that did set me thinking on a new angle
Kitna Sahi Kaha Hai Kisi Ne…
Mein tere saath chal nahin sakta.Raasta bhee badal nahin sakta .Girna padta hai apne kadmon main.Yun to kaanta nikal nahin sakta.Raat kitni bhee saazishen kar le.Chand din mein nikal nahin sakta.Jisko apne pe e'tamaad nahin.Vo kabhee bhee sambhal nahin sakta.Chorna padti hai Zameen apni.Varna ooncha uchal nahin sakta.
Many times in life we reach a stage where things can’t be defined as either black or white.
Many times we prefer not to define life in these two brackets.
Certain emotions like love, for anyone, human, animals or even a ‘Biologically’ non living object lead us to such confusions. But, why does confusion arise..
If I Close my eyes and try to visualize confusion, I can see lots of dust particles, smoke etc moving around in the air… Something similar to when, say for example, two cars collide!
Yes, collision leads to confusion.
Confusion of who is right and who is not,
Confusion of who is wronged and who is not,
Confusion of who is to be blamed and who is not.
Life throws same situation infront of all of us in different forms.
It all boils down to the point of view.
A situation stuck me.
When I was not as old I am now, I used to either commute on foot or my bicycle. I used to sometimes get very irritated on the four wheel drivers and used to think all of them just want to crush us under there vehicle’s tyre and think that they rule the roads.
A Point of view. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Coming to today when I am as old as I am, I travel either on my scooter or car. I still get irritated but on the pedestrian trying to cross the road, or the bicycle guy who came infront of my car the other day. I feel that these people don’t know how to walk on a street or have come out because they want to commit suicide.
Another Point of View. I don’t see anything wrong with it either.
But now if these point of views collide, the same question, who is right?
The point is noone is right and both are.
This is what I call the grey area in life where no distinct Black or White exist.
Today, I can say this so calmly because I am sitting with a cool mind infront of my PC typing my thoughts with no one to disturb me… But when you are caught with other minds around you trying to influence you is it possible to maintain the same calmness???
I donno! The answer, depends again, Grey!!!
I was asked to take sides!
Yes I was literally asked which team do I belong to?
Difficult question.
Difficult question??? Oh my God! The toughest question one can ever face.
Well, I tried to reason out but was categorically told say Yes or NO.
I only know how I managed to avert the situation…
But that did set me thinking on a new angle
Kitna Sahi Kaha Hai Kisi Ne…
Mein tere saath chal nahin sakta.Raasta bhee badal nahin sakta .Girna padta hai apne kadmon main.Yun to kaanta nikal nahin sakta.Raat kitni bhee saazishen kar le.Chand din mein nikal nahin sakta.Jisko apne pe e'tamaad nahin.Vo kabhee bhee sambhal nahin sakta.Chorna padti hai Zameen apni.Varna ooncha uchal nahin sakta.
Many times in life we reach a stage where things can’t be defined as either black or white.
Many times we prefer not to define life in these two brackets.
Certain emotions like love, for anyone, human, animals or even a ‘Biologically’ non living object lead us to such confusions. But, why does confusion arise..
If I Close my eyes and try to visualize confusion, I can see lots of dust particles, smoke etc moving around in the air… Something similar to when, say for example, two cars collide!
Yes, collision leads to confusion.
Confusion of who is right and who is not,
Confusion of who is wronged and who is not,
Confusion of who is to be blamed and who is not.
Life throws same situation infront of all of us in different forms.
It all boils down to the point of view.
A situation stuck me.
When I was not as old I am now, I used to either commute on foot or my bicycle. I used to sometimes get very irritated on the four wheel drivers and used to think all of them just want to crush us under there vehicle’s tyre and think that they rule the roads.
A Point of view. I don’t see anything wrong with it.
Coming to today when I am as old as I am, I travel either on my scooter or car. I still get irritated but on the pedestrian trying to cross the road, or the bicycle guy who came infront of my car the other day. I feel that these people don’t know how to walk on a street or have come out because they want to commit suicide.
Another Point of View. I don’t see anything wrong with it either.
But now if these point of views collide, the same question, who is right?
The point is noone is right and both are.
This is what I call the grey area in life where no distinct Black or White exist.
Today, I can say this so calmly because I am sitting with a cool mind infront of my PC typing my thoughts with no one to disturb me… But when you are caught with other minds around you trying to influence you is it possible to maintain the same calmness???
I donno! The answer, depends again, Grey!!!
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Filhaal....
Aye Zindagi yeh lamha jee lene de...
Pehle se likha kuch bhi nahi...
Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu...
Jo bhi likha hai dil se jiya hai...
yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de....
Yes... trying to live my life by the minute like this song....
The reason i like this song very much is that I usually dont crib.. yes the unknown make me insecure but the fear of unknown also has its own sweetness and thats what keeps me going most of the time....
But sometimes one feels that you need some stability in life.... I am a nomad.. Unattached... a wanderer.. I do what i feel like and when i feel like with noone to stop me.. I am so comfortable being with myself that I dont feel the need to be with anyone... But sometimes it scares me.... I am too independent for the comfort of people around me.... I guess man has this basic instinct to take care of others and feel that the whole worlds responsibility is on there shoulder and when they meet someone who visibly doesnot need any support..it unstables them... I guess thats what is happenning with me.. I come across as extremely independent and self assured person and that makes people uncomfortable.. But I cant purposefully make myself pitiful for others to be comfortable.... I need my space.. Then again the people around me are the people I care for so is it right to just keep living the way I want to????
I know I will live only once but so will they!!!!!
Pehle se likha kuch bhi nahi...
Roz naya kuch likhti hai tu...
Jo bhi likha hai dil se jiya hai...
yeh lamha filhaal jee lene de....
Yes... trying to live my life by the minute like this song....
The reason i like this song very much is that I usually dont crib.. yes the unknown make me insecure but the fear of unknown also has its own sweetness and thats what keeps me going most of the time....
But sometimes one feels that you need some stability in life.... I am a nomad.. Unattached... a wanderer.. I do what i feel like and when i feel like with noone to stop me.. I am so comfortable being with myself that I dont feel the need to be with anyone... But sometimes it scares me.... I am too independent for the comfort of people around me.... I guess man has this basic instinct to take care of others and feel that the whole worlds responsibility is on there shoulder and when they meet someone who visibly doesnot need any support..it unstables them... I guess thats what is happenning with me.. I come across as extremely independent and self assured person and that makes people uncomfortable.. But I cant purposefully make myself pitiful for others to be comfortable.... I need my space.. Then again the people around me are the people I care for so is it right to just keep living the way I want to????
I know I will live only once but so will they!!!!!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Strange R The Ways of Life
Yes strange......
I had a good day n for a change I was happy somewhere deep down.. that joy which i had forgotten existed....
But then suddenly out of no where another emotion over powered me.... GUILT... yes guilt.... I felt guilty of being happy...A small voice was trying to tell me tht i dont have any right to be happy n that i should stay miserable all my life....
this emotion i cant understand... or maybe i do.. i know like split personality.. i have split brain... one (which i call NOW Brain) with which i do my daily work, interact with people.. and another part ( which I Call Alternate centre or AC) which has got stuck somewhere in time n refuses to come out.. that part keeps pulling me back to my past very moment..even in my sleep.... my AC is not letting me go... even when i am talking to someone the thought process of AC is on.. n when NOW brain is not active obviously AC becomes hyperactive... Today, for a change NOW was able to take me back to my original happy state of mind for few seconds but AC overpowered it ... I sometimes feel tired of this battle I am fighting with myself.... i donno who will win because I would be the loser from both the sides.... so i donno if it matters to me.. but then again is is right to give up so easily to the scars of the past.. i donno....
hope i am able to answer these questions soon..
I had a good day n for a change I was happy somewhere deep down.. that joy which i had forgotten existed....
But then suddenly out of no where another emotion over powered me.... GUILT... yes guilt.... I felt guilty of being happy...A small voice was trying to tell me tht i dont have any right to be happy n that i should stay miserable all my life....
this emotion i cant understand... or maybe i do.. i know like split personality.. i have split brain... one (which i call NOW Brain) with which i do my daily work, interact with people.. and another part ( which I Call Alternate centre or AC) which has got stuck somewhere in time n refuses to come out.. that part keeps pulling me back to my past very moment..even in my sleep.... my AC is not letting me go... even when i am talking to someone the thought process of AC is on.. n when NOW brain is not active obviously AC becomes hyperactive... Today, for a change NOW was able to take me back to my original happy state of mind for few seconds but AC overpowered it ... I sometimes feel tired of this battle I am fighting with myself.... i donno who will win because I would be the loser from both the sides.... so i donno if it matters to me.. but then again is is right to give up so easily to the scars of the past.. i donno....
hope i am able to answer these questions soon..
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Job Search Oh My God!!!
Hey!!!
I never knew job search could be so neck breaking...
I have been working for quite sometime to think that I have see a lot of the corporate world... Even have shifted jobs few times with no hassles.. They were always there before I asked for it.. In short a pretty easy going life for me.. Then one day somethjing happened and boom my life changed I resigned with no other job in hand....
And my search for an "Ideal Job" started.... It has been more than a month n I'm still searching.. The other day an article on the front page of the newspaper made me laugh for a long time n people around me actually thought that I have gone insane under the pressure of trying to look for a job!
Actually the article was about the dialemma faced by companies looking for "deserving" candidates to take in... It said there are lots of jobs ready to be grabed enough number of resumes flowing in but not enough number of deserving candidates.... Well hear I was one of the so called "deserving candidate"( a name given to me by my previous employers) without a job!..
Or was it that I had become once upon a time deserving candidate.. and that waqs not good enough anymore..
I donno... well but my search for a good job is still on.. well sometime i think the terms we use are so subjective.. like desrving, good etc etc.... well another day tomorrow lets see what does it have in store for me....
I never knew job search could be so neck breaking...
I have been working for quite sometime to think that I have see a lot of the corporate world... Even have shifted jobs few times with no hassles.. They were always there before I asked for it.. In short a pretty easy going life for me.. Then one day somethjing happened and boom my life changed I resigned with no other job in hand....
And my search for an "Ideal Job" started.... It has been more than a month n I'm still searching.. The other day an article on the front page of the newspaper made me laugh for a long time n people around me actually thought that I have gone insane under the pressure of trying to look for a job!
Actually the article was about the dialemma faced by companies looking for "deserving" candidates to take in... It said there are lots of jobs ready to be grabed enough number of resumes flowing in but not enough number of deserving candidates.... Well hear I was one of the so called "deserving candidate"( a name given to me by my previous employers) without a job!..
Or was it that I had become once upon a time deserving candidate.. and that waqs not good enough anymore..
I donno... well but my search for a good job is still on.. well sometime i think the terms we use are so subjective.. like desrving, good etc etc.... well another day tomorrow lets see what does it have in store for me....
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Life
It is said that one should plan for future...
But I say why??? Coz life never takes the expected course so if we donno whats gonna happen tomorrow why waste time in planning.. Take life as it comes and believe me my personal life incidents have made me to believe that one can never plan your life.. So now I take life as it comes and live every day as my last day on earth.
Well just hoping that it continues till my actual last day on this earth
But I say why??? Coz life never takes the expected course so if we donno whats gonna happen tomorrow why waste time in planning.. Take life as it comes and believe me my personal life incidents have made me to believe that one can never plan your life.. So now I take life as it comes and live every day as my last day on earth.
Well just hoping that it continues till my actual last day on this earth
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